I Don't Know...

I honestly don't...

I've been up,I've been down.

This mask is getting so old.

I put on the facade of someone who's ok...but I'm not.....

I wanna curl up in the biggest,fluffiest bed imaginable and let that snuggle and comfort me.

Have your emotions hurt you so deep that they start to effect your body physically.....

I can't talk to anyone,cause I don't wanna be a burden

No one wants to be around the sad girl.

I'm just hurting inside so bad.....and I don't know what to do anymore.

I honestly don't.

I have sowed a field of flowers divine
I have drunk the purest drops of wine
Tasting every single tear I weep
I long for treasures I dare not keep

Within that field of opium lies
Tempting is the smell of human disguise
While the morning dove pays its fees in its song
I shall not expose my weary soul for long

Looking upon the piercing blue blanket way high
A solid white flag flies against an ebony sky
Drowning in the stench
Drowning in the lie
All I can ever ask is why

Undone

Endlessly I have toiled
In the endless ephemeral
The sea of gold
The waves which lap and temper the soul
All is done and all is said
I wash ashore always hungry for more
More of a life which so fleetingly flies
Across marmalade skies and watchful eyes
The moment of demise will arrive
Between the grit of lives and the waves of lies
Seething...permanent...turbulent is the rush
When colliding with Nature's might and crush
I live the life of a life not lived
Spinning the web of the ghosts which fed
On the truths of reality, the one I held fast and hard once long ago
My eyes have watered salty and cold
Submerged beneath the Sea I shall become
A restless soul, a thing Undone

Well.Finally....

I never really said it out loud,but I think if I write it I won't go into a unbelievable fit of tears.

I've known him for like ever,we felt right....and in some ways we still do fit right.

"I have a daughter,she's 4 years old and I never told you because I didn't know how you would react"......

OK.....I already hate his ex with a passion.She's bratty,she's childish,and you would think the bitch was 11 years old.

I kinda always knew she had something over his head,but never questioned it,because,stupidly I thought "He would tell me if anything was wrong".

Wrong....wrong....soooo fuckin wrong!

I've known you since I was 13...we've been together 3 years...and a 4 year old child didn't seem like an important factor to share?

It baffles me...how you can look me in my eyes and say that you love me,and I feel comfortable...yet I think back now...and it held some elements of a lie.....

.......to be continued......

Well Well...Look What Shannt Dragged In..lol

Ok....so I go to alot of concerts...and I meet alot of interesting people...I went to see Paramore in August of 06 and had the honor to meet Shaant.....lead singer of Cute Is What We Aim For.....he's a truly awesome guy and makes me smile.We would e-mail from time to time and I never really thought much of it..He got busy and what not and I just forgot about it.Until about a month ago when his band came back and he e-mailed me...we met up once again and it was like we were old friends....Either way we bounce stuff off of each other and he sent me this.....I love it....he's slightly on the verge of hating it...the curse of "Writers Block" has ended and has gave birth to this......

By drink 3 it seems that you are a mystery

To me and everyone in between

Your legs level as your head warms up to the blurry scene

Its a wonder that your body consistently redeems 

A fiend of fiction loaded with a pack of convictions

I dig your dirty diction

Im convinced that the only reason why you procrastinate

Is to be, is to be fashionably late

Such a waste of time for such an immaculate face

Only due to a lack of a particular taste

I pace, I prance, I do what I do at any chance

I am the substance and you are the abuse

I just wish that you could choose

I refuse, I refuse, I refuse to ignore

I put you off long enough

Luckily now I see by the score that you belong to be on top...

If I swoop down and swindle your vote

Does it count just the same or does it trigger a revolt?

Rip your jeans for me, regardless of the placement of the seams

I picked the finest thread, the one thin enough to infiltrate your mind, body and bed

Oh! I'm so obnoxious 

Yeah! you wish that I would stop it

Well! If you don't like the way it tastes in your mouth

Then please, go ahead and spit it out

I dig your dirty diction

Hinder or a helper

I have yet to relay to her

That i'm only good on paper

I'd prefer that she'd defer 

I'd love to help your habit

But I doubt that I could grab it.

This is self imposed self control

So Where do I pay the toll?

I was once known as a wordsmith 

Now i can't come up with anything worth shit

Do I look like a runner up to you?

I am the champ with far too many chips

I haven't even come close to do what Im about to do.

My First Love...

I love Chris dearly...I honestly do.......

But recently I got to thinkin about my first love......I loved him...he didn't love me...well not in that way atleast.

He was head over hills for my other friend.....who didn't really give a fuck about him...but she used that to her advantage,but that's a different story.

Either way he became one of my best friends...and I'm worried

I haven't spoken to him in awhile and I never get an answer on his phone which is VERY strange.I wrote to his mother and she told me he had been down lately....He just thought he would be somewhere different right now in life.But things didn't seem to work out...

I'm just freaked out....I'm worried....I don't want him to do anything stupid....

If only I could talk to him...maybe,just maybe I could help..........

::Sigh::

I'm Actually Gonna Save Money.....

I want this phone....

It's gorgeous!!!!...I'll feel like I'll have a bootleg I-Phone....lol....

So I am making a vow....I'm gonna actually save money....for a new phone.....lol......I like my phone now...I'm happy to have one...but I love this one.... :)