The Emptiness Inside

It’s so strange

The emptiness inside

I feel it-

Right behind my eyes

And around my shoulders

Where my someone

Should hug me

Sometimes

I feel invisible arms

Wrapped around me

But it’s a fleeting sensation

And it leaves the emptiness

There-

Stronger than before

Like looking into the abyss

As the abyss

Looks into me

And takes hold

Pulling me down

Last year

I had

Someone

Who I cared about

But he’s gone

And I miss him

So much

And nobody else is here

In this dark place

Inside of me

Where there should be light

There is only emptiness

Wearing

Gnawing

At my soul

And heart

And mind

I’ve got friends

But no one special

That someone

To care about me

And make me feel safe

Not scared

And alone

Loneliness is a scary thing

Pain

And heartbreak

Seem to fill me

But there’s only

More emptiness

My tears

Would fill an ocean

If I could have

The strength to cry

But I don’t

I’m just a

Scared

Lonely

Little girl

Who just wants someone

To love her back

Right Now....

Right now...I'm no better than the people who have fucked me over in life.

I call myself a friend,yet one of the people that I consider one of my closest friends was sick and I didn't even know about it.

Yea...some friend I am..............

I love my friends dearly,I do....

It's just my own insecurities holding me back.

They have so much going on in their lives and I have squat...I really don't want to bore them with the details of my non-existent life.

I barely even know what's going on in their lives anymore.......

They have work...school and other things to tend to....

I have work...and that's about it....

Ok...lesson of the story,I'm just a shitty excuse for a friend.....

The Heart Recognizes Dreams

Ok..let's talk about frightening nights where I amaze myself...lol

If you had a hammer in your hand
you’d hit the nail on the head.
Dreams put imagination into actions.
The real and the unreal are
reflections of one another.
Illusions or certainties. Who is to say,
when we don’t recognize ourselves
within the mirror of the dream.
Yet we think we know the answers
when the experience becomes
too real; then we laugh; or then we cry.
For there the heart opens up like a slit
sack of grain that spills out on the floor;
either way, it spontaneously ignites
like a struck match in the darkness.

Little Girl Lost

She feels disgrace, vulnerability
when she wears her own face,
so she puts a disguise on
to protect herself from harm’s
way within the passing days.

And in that guise she becomes
hypnotized on the path; she is
someone truly unknown
to those she loves and cares
about. She’s safe and very wise.

In the end she becomes unknown
to herself; she’s grown lost
within that maze of disguises
that she has sown into the world
as her own reflection.

I Don't Know...

I honestly don't...

I've been up,I've been down.

This mask is getting so old.

I put on the facade of someone who's ok...but I'm not.....

I wanna curl up in the biggest,fluffiest bed imaginable and let that snuggle and comfort me.

Have your emotions hurt you so deep that they start to effect your body physically.....

I can't talk to anyone,cause I don't wanna be a burden

No one wants to be around the sad girl.

I'm just hurting inside so bad.....and I don't know what to do anymore.

I honestly don't.

I have sowed a field of flowers divine
I have drunk the purest drops of wine
Tasting every single tear I weep
I long for treasures I dare not keep

Within that field of opium lies
Tempting is the smell of human disguise
While the morning dove pays its fees in its song
I shall not expose my weary soul for long

Looking upon the piercing blue blanket way high
A solid white flag flies against an ebony sky
Drowning in the stench
Drowning in the lie
All I can ever ask is why

Undone

Endlessly I have toiled
In the endless ephemeral
The sea of gold
The waves which lap and temper the soul
All is done and all is said
I wash ashore always hungry for more
More of a life which so fleetingly flies
Across marmalade skies and watchful eyes
The moment of demise will arrive
Between the grit of lives and the waves of lies
Seething...permanent...turbulent is the rush
When colliding with Nature's might and crush
I live the life of a life not lived
Spinning the web of the ghosts which fed
On the truths of reality, the one I held fast and hard once long ago
My eyes have watered salty and cold
Submerged beneath the Sea I shall become
A restless soul, a thing Undone